Bud is Gay !

Friends, Romans, Countrymen lend me 20 bucks. Semi-heartfelt greetings to all after yet another year. Despite the fact that this is our 15^th party, I am surprisingly uninspired. In fact, Mr. Mike is way ahead of me this year – the fireworks were ordered, there was no prodding necessary to convince him to have the party, things are on schedule, yet I can’t get my ass in gear. Rumors had floated that there would be an awards ceremony this year, but you guys haven’t done anything stupid enough lately to warrant an award (not only that, I was uninspired to write the jokes).

Everybody seems to have big changes in their lives, some good, some not so good, but all have been character builders. This year’s party will hopefully provide ample opportunity for catch-up (that is between volleyball games) – and there will be volleyball – oh yes, there will.

So once again, it is time to act like the jerk you were born to be and come out for the 15^th Annual Sped Clan Gathering and Highland Games. We will have all the usual fun: Volleyball, BBQ, Beer, Horseshoes, Caber (Bud) Toss, etc. and of course Fireworks – this year launched to the tune of "The Rainbow Connection" sung by Paul Williams – Yeah, Baby!

This year’s event will again be a 3 day event and a Friday night jam session is planned. In the last few years this jam session has been poorly attended, especially by the musicians. Sunday’s activities, besides leftovers and beer, includes a rocket launch with the innovative rocket designs of Jade and Chelsea and the vintage models from Dr. Dave that are well known for disintegrating in mid-flight. Come watch his screams of anguish.

Don’t forget to take some time to sneak away with your significant other (gender unspecific) to the SPED Museum, our version of the tunnel of love. Just don’t let Mom Lamarca (head of security) catch you hooking up or she’ll make you chug 2 beers and have a talk with Pop about fishin’ (her version of a double life sentence).

To close this year’s address, in a lame attempt at a faux celebration of this midpoint between awards ceremonies, let me wax reminiscent and recall some of the fond memories over the years. Who could forget:

Bud getting picked up on the front lawn by a Mexican hitchhiker.

ET graduating valedictorian of MIT, drinking himself to death at the graduation party, and reincarnating as a PA farm boy.

Joe Spengler getting bitten by a rabid hedgehog, and his ongoing lawsuit with the AMA for getting the rabies shots in his testicles.

John Hacker’s comical attempt to market a new software package, fleecy lined Dr. Denton’s for adults, which have now robbed him of his government security clearances after attempting to sell the idea on his pornographic web site.

Rich Wagner’s flabby-assed portrait getting picked up on the Internet, sold to a west coast radio station who as a promotional stunt flew the image on a banner behind a biplane at a Dodgers game, the ensuing stampede causing a seismic event felt as far as Des Moines.

Terry Smith being approached by the Army to help his country by being dropped by a B-52 in order to crush Serbs.

Mr. Mike, while trying to be neighborly, having to become the love slave of the local head of the Amish sect after a botched barn-raising attempt.

Dr. Dave’s last days in Irvington, never being seen without blackface, a gold tooth, a bubble jacket, and sawed off shotgun under his jams.

Blow your

Bagpipes

and

Kick up your Kilt

at the

15th Annual

SPED Clan

Meeting

and

Highland

Games

July 3, 1999

1:00 p.m.

Fireworks

Beer

Volleyball

Bagpipes

Haggis

Caber Toss

Terry Smith, the infamous missing man from SPED parties, was spotted this spring in New Jersey hauling furniture in his spare time to augment his daily weightlifting routine. When asked if he would be attending this year’s function Terry was quoted as saying "I will be there". Asked his reason for not making it to past events he responded "Well, my car broke down and then there were these strippers, and then..." - and the rest is history.

Guest Column

BUD by Chelsea Galos

Bud rhymes with mud.

He’s very, very, very, very, very weird.

He’s hairy!

He looks like like a tall, tall bear that has long hair.

He’s like Homer because when he thinks about beer or girls he drools.

Your Friend,

Chelsea

New SPED Logo Unveiled at Gala Ceremony

SPEDs from all over the world were on hand for the unveiling of the new SPED logo. The new logo replaces the familiar stick figures that have been in use for the last five years. "Although we have specialized in using the same material over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, we felt it was time for a change", said Dr. Dave.

SPED merchandise featuring the new logo should be available by the fall. Fans of the old logo should not fear - the old logo will still live on in our hearts and minds and on our old 10th annual commemorative T-shirts.

Responding to fears that the year 2000 computer bug might affect future SPED functions, the SPED Foundation embarked upon an aggressive program to insure that all equipment at SPED World Headquarters is Y2K compliant.

SPED Technical Officer, Mr. Mike, oversaw the project which will carry SPED-dom into the next century. "Our main fear was that we would be unable to determine which day to hold the annual picnic", said Mr. Mike. "We were also uncertain how we would produce the newsletter, since we sold the typewriter for beer last winter."

SPEDs: The Next Generation

As always the annual SPED Soiree is full of underage fun. By court order Bud has recently been castrated so don’t let Bud’s presence at the party deter you from bringing your kids. We will again have games, toys, and the ever-popular kiddie swimming pool.

NOTE: Remember that it is your parental responsibility to indoctrinate your kids throughout the entire year - not just at the picnic. Areas of training that you should be working on in the off-season include beer appreciation, obscure volleyball serving techniques, poster creation, swearing with style, blues jamming, and of course Bud bashing.